I think I have finally hit upon the right first line and opening scene for Leoshine, Princess Oracle, and hence the whole story.
You need not be the parent of a human child to have your withers wrung by these words. It could easily read, My car! My case! My project! Artists’ hearts cry this every time they send their creativity into the world. Longing, hope and grief reside in the phrase. Joy and fear are entwined here so intimately that joy wounds and fear soothes. One of the themes of Leoshine is the tumult of good and evil within the human soul. Which is good? What is evil?
The use of MINE is slightly archaic, to give the reader the sense, from word 1, that the Leoshine lives somewhere, sometime other than 21st Century earth. I could coin a 67th Century word for deep personal possession, but the reader would be lost in translation, from word 1. Often, in writing, in order to go forward, or at least away, we use old language.
The phrase is applied to all the main characters at some time in the story. Possession is a theme here. Who owns who, and how much?
The acquisitions editor from World Weaver Press sent me a wonderful letter. I won’t be represented by them at this time, but the advise she gave led to this new beginning. We get to know Leoshine a day before the old beginning, in the fading glory of her original context. The action is still fast and furious, there’s no going back, and we can get to know our protagonist a little before she reacts to the inciting incident.
Is this true? I would love to know if these intentions have struck a chord in you.